I've been thinking about the idea that people can't hurt our feelings unless we let them. I still believe this is true, but let's say someone you love is hurting your feelings, either intentionally or unintentionally. In the process of putting your guard up against being hurt, you are blocking their love also. The same force field blocks both the good and the bad. And I don't see any way around that. You either risk being hurt, or you turn stone cold, alienating them even further. That kind of sucks. But I think I can find a way to program around that if I can stay focused enough.
Also, getting back to love as an addiction, mentioned earlier: remember Gene Hackman as Popeye Doyle in French Connection II, where he's coming cold turkey out of heroin addiction? The characterization was hard for me to swallow: how is a strong character like Doyle going to beg like that? But then I remember myself during previous marital problems, I was the same goddamned way. I never connected those two ideas until yesterday, rereading that article.
last updated 2013-01-10 20:14:34. served from tektonic.jcomeau.com